The Good Life

I’m privileged to sit with people and their families as they die. I sometimes have people ask me if it’s depressing. “No,” I’ll say. “I’m sad, but I’m honored to bring Christ’s death and resurrection to people who are scared and hurting. When you face death, Christ is the only hope we have.”
    Facing death also means putting life in perspective. Is it worth getting upset about being overcharged $1.50 at the grocery store or getting cut off in traffic? Does it matter if our rabbit ears don’t get all the TV channels or the internet is slow? How important is that somebody never apologized? Death puts all these in perspective and raises the question: how do we live a good life?
    Lent—the 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter, not counting Sundays—is a time to face death (Christ’s and our own), which leads us to focus on what’s really important: relationships with God and each other. This is the point when we read Bible passages such as “one does not live by bread alone but by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord” (Deut 8:3). When asked what the greatest commandment is, Jesus replies with the double-sided commandment of loving God and loving neighbor (Matt 22:37-39). Caring relationships are what humanity needs. Simplifying life helps focus on that.
    Harvard University has been tracking a group of people and their descendants for the last 84 years and just published a book called The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. They found, “[I]t's not career achievement, or exercise, or a healthy diet. Don't get us wrong; these things matter (a lot). But one thing continuously demonstrates its broad and enduring importance: ... Good relationships keep us healthier and happier. Period" (p. 10).
    A life that invests time and energy into relationships isn’t easy. As the researchers point out, “it includes turmoil, calm, lightness, burdens, struggles, achievements, setbacks, leaps forward, and terrible falls. And the good life always ends in death” (p. 3)
    It’s a bit funny to read sentences that Jews and Christians have been saying since the author of Leviticus wrote what Jesus quoted: “love your neighbor.” “[S]cience tells us that your choice should be to cultivate warm relationships. Of all kinds [including friends, family, co-workers, neighbors].... it’s not a choice that you make only once, but over and over again, second by second, week by week, and year by year...” (p. 10). The authors ask: why not start today prioritizing listening and caring for the people around you?
    Humanity faces many enormous problems, including the rise of authoritarianism, the Russian invasion of Ukraine, water shortages, climate disasters, earthquakes in Turkey and Syria, $31 trillion in national debt, and whatever may be coming next. What these researchers have found, and we have long known, is that what gets is through those tough, even terrible, times is quality relationships.
    Focusing on relationships is what Lent is all about. This season, you’re invited to the 40-40-40 challenge, which is to daily try to do three of four things for the 40 days before Easter: (a) devote, (b) donate, (c) de-clutter, and (d) discipline. Register and find out more at https://communications9676.wixsite.com/synodlentchallenge
    Whatever you, do it freely knowing that God has sent Jesus so you have an eternal relationship with the Creator of the Universe!

Glad to be in relationship with you,
Pastor Peter

Growing Relationships

The stores are filled with hearts and gifts for Valentine’s Day. What better time to reflect on what it means to deepen relationships, part of our vision as a congregation!

Relationships go through predictable stages, but every stage takes time. (I modified research by Robin Dunbar at Oxford University):

1. Know names stage: Know someone’s name, but little else.
2. Acquaintance: Know something about the other, perhaps work together, but wouldn’t meet them for coffee or share a medical diagnosis.
3. Casual: Meeting more frequently around common interests and activities, sharing joys and sorrows. Dunbar finds each of us can maintain a maximum of 150 casual stable relationships.
4. Close: Connected emotionally; shared values, ideals and worldviews bring people together to achieve common goals. Dunbar finds most people have a maximum of 5 close friends.
5. Intimate: Mutual responsibility, committed to each other’s development. Even fewer relationships reach here or stay here. Dunbar finds each person has an average of 1.5 intimates.

During “Casual,” “Close,” and “Intimate” there are usually periods of deteriorating relationships, sometimes conflict, as people have to break through resistance to deeper commitment to a person who is truly different.

With whom do you have casual, close, or intimate relationships in your life? What are you doing to help move a relationship to deeper commitment? Relationships take time together and a willingness to share and learn from each other. Dunbar finds that 200 hours of time together are necessary to move from being a stranger to a good friend.

At least theoretically, Christians should find it easier to have close relationships with other Christians. We share values, ideals and the worldview of following Christ, who forgives the sinner, loves the unlovable, and gathers the lost.

But the reality is that Christians, just like everybody else, are limited by time and energy. We just won’t always have one close friend let alone five at church! But if we want to be deepening relationships with others in the Christian community, it will simply take time spent together, doing things together, caring for each other. Some of us will want close Christian relationships, but won’t be able to do it for a variety of reasons—most of which is that our relational energy is already going to those close and intimate relationships we already have.

Yet, some don’t have one person they can share their deepest fears and dreams. You may assume they have someone because on the outside they seem to be happy and stable, but inside the loneliness consumes them. One of the great ironies of our time is that we are more connected than ever through texting and social media, but our relationships rarely move beyond acquaintance stage. Each of us need casual, close, and intimate relationships that help us to grow to become what God made us to be.

The good news is that we all have a relationship with God not because of the time we put into it (although that makes it more of a two-way relationship!) but because God has put everything into the relationship: God became flesh in Jesus. God sends Jesus to love you and lead you even now as you are reading this! God puts infinite time into a relationship with humanity! As Christians, we help others know that God has an eternal relationship with them because Jesus lived, died, was raised, and is right there with you now!

Think through your relationships. What’s one relationship you can deepen this week just by consciously planning to spend a little time in person or on the phone?

Grateful for relationships with you,

Pastor Peter

Outreach is Building Relationships

A blessed New Year! Despite the lingering problems of last year, the change of the calendar suggests the possibility of new growth rather than more of the same.

One of the new opportunities for St. John’s in 2023 is to call Dan Potaznick to be our quarter-time Associate Pastor for Outreach. Dan is being called to the Grand Canyon Synod office for ¾ time as the Director for Development & Strategic Development (telling about the good work God is doing through the Synod and encouraging support). St. John’s has the opportunity to call him to help us develop and implement a plan for outreach, especially to people who don’t identify with any religious tradition. Dan has a wealth of experience communicating and building relationships with people who are not involved in congregations.

We will have a congregational meeting to consider a call to Dan on January 29 at 9:45am in the Sanctuary.

What is “outreach” anyway? Sometimes people have a vision of going door-to-door, knocking and asking if people know Jesus and if they are a part of a community of faith. Other people may think of caring for the needs of neighbors as “outreach,” such as the Food Pantry, Family Promise, or the Shower Ministry. Both door knocking and providing needs for neighbors are outreach only if they help build relationships.

Following Jesus is all about relationships: with God and with others. If we are knocking on doors and getting to know a person’s name, their dreams and fears, then we are building a relationship that will help us introduce them to Jesus, the one who loves us and has freed us from our sins.

But if we aren’t building relationships, then it’s not outreach. We can offer showers to people struggling with homelessness, but unless we take the time to get to know them and help them know us, to build trust and demonstrate care, it’s not outreach. We become service providers, like a truck stop that provides showers for truckers passing through.

If we aren’t helping build relationships with Jesus, then it’s not outreach. Before introducing people to Jesus, we first need to have a relationship of trust and care with someone. If someone doesn’t think we care about who they really are, they won’t think Jesus cares about them either. But once there is a relationship, then we can introduce them to Jesus. This is not optional for Christians or the Church: Jesus said “Go, make disciples” (Matt 28:19-20), not “Go, make a club or service group.”

In what ways are you building relationships with others? Are you taking time to ask people’s name and share your own name? Are you talking about your dreams and asking about others? Are you willing to share your fears with another person and listen to what keeps them up at night? What can you share about your experience with God?

It’s a good way to start a new year: focusing on building relationships. That’s outreach!

Trusting God makes all things new,

Pastor Peter

Longing for Healing

Christmas doesn’t make sense without Advent. Or, to put it another way: without Advent, Jesus born in the manger becomes another Hallmark movie that makes us feel good for a moment but doesn’t address the deep longing in our souls.

Advent is the season of longing for healing: physical healing of chronic pain and weakness, emotional healing of words and experiences, social healing of relationships that are strained or completely broken. With the Psalmist, we cry out, “How long, O Lord?” (13:1), “my soul is full of troubles” (88:3), and “lead me, O Lord!” (5:8)

In the time that Jesus was born, the Romans ruled the Mediterranean and believed that the only way to keep the peace was to kill those who disagreed with their way. They expected people to help move commodities like wine and grain as well as luxury items to Rome and to participate in festivals to the emperor and Roman gods. To feed their families and to keep a position in society, some of God’s people, the Jews, collaborated with the Romans. Some of their families hated them for it. Imagine not being invited to Thanksgiving dinner because you worked at the dock helping load wheat to Rome! Words were spoken that left precious relationships damaged and even broken; families with deep hurts and anger.

In our time, we can thank God that we don’t have an emperor that uses violence or threats of violence to suppress dissent. We have a democracy that helps us to express our values and to sort out our differences, no matter how messy. Political advertisements may be extreme, but they shouldn’t kill. Elections take time to count ballots, but leaders can be changed without crucifixions.

Our social disagreements are deep, however, and they have caused wounds in precious relationships. I suspect that each of our families has topics we tip-toe around because we’ve had explosive arguments. In the heat of emotion, we have said or heard insults that left an emotional scar. These aren’t simple disagreements, either. The fire burns hotter because in today’s social climate, a position on a candidate or sexuality, immigration, policing, or education (to name a few) is given ultimate worth and sometimes put in language of a cosmic battle. It is as if to disagree is to oppose God. To disagree is to personally attack my very identity.

How long, O Lord, until the heat is turned down, and we listen to each other? Our souls are full of troubles and griefs over our broken relationships! Lead us, O Lord, to forgive one another and value each other as you, our Creator, value us!

Christmas doesn’t make sense unless we feel the deep longing of humanity for forgiveness to heal our bodies and relationships, a forgiveness that releases us from the prison of our past words and hurts, a forgiveness that is beyond our power. The birth of the king of kings in poverty is no sentimental and unreal movie that makes us feel good for a moment; it is the answer of God to the deep cries of humanity.

Come Lord Jesus!

Pastor Peter

Love your Neighbor by Voting

Election day (Nov 8) is coming and perhaps many have already voted by mail-in ballot. Thank you for loving your neighbor!

That’s right: voting is an act of love for our neighbor because it expresses our care about what happens in our community. When we vote, we are saying, “I think this person or this decision will best help my neighbors, especially those most vulnerable, to be healthy in body, mind, and relationships. As a result, our society will be more healthy, that is, more peaceful and just, as God desires all societies to be.”

Some people say, “why bother voting?” either because they believe none of the candidates are worthy of their vote or because they don’t believe their vote really will make a difference. Both responses are avoiding God’s call to love neighbor by voting.

If someone says they don’t think their vote matters, they are saying what they care about doesn’t matter. Christians know that what we care about matters ultimately to God; we have been commanded to pray to God our deepest desires (2nd commandment) because God cares. It is the devil, the world, and our sinful selves that seduces us into cynicism. Christ has triumphed over these powers so we would not surrender, but struggle against them, trusting Christ has won the victory in the end! Resist cynicism about elections or anything else to follow Jesus in the way of hope and life!

If someone says that none of the candidates are worthy of their vote, I say, “of course!” Every candidate falls short—that’s Sin in every human heart. Jesus is not on the ballot. But this does not mean that there aren’t better and worse candidates. Some candidates will serve God’s purposes of a healthy, peaceful, and just society more than others. Some will express more than others the values of sober and careful judgment and the concern for vulnerable neighbors. None will meet the standard, but that is no surprise; our task is to discern which is better.

There are some that would have us believe that one party represents Christian values. This is an attempt to manipulate us by setting some values against others and ignoring the history and temperament of a particular candidate. Christians follow Christ, not a party. We are free to zig-zag across party lines to follow the way our Spirit-formed conscience leads us to love our neighbor.

We also can begin to encourage people to run for office. If we are unsatisfied with the candidates presented to us, another way we can love our communities is to encourage people with the values and temperament to run for office. If we give into cynicism and apathy and do nothing, we can expect only the same.

However the Spirit leads you, please vote and love your neighbor!

Your partner on the journey,

Pastor Peter

Investing in Relationships

One of our long-time members was looking at last month’s newsletter and said to me, “there’s so many names I don’t know! I need to get to meet these people!”

I’m sure she will: she is a focused person who sets goals for herself and makes them happen—reflecting both a honed self-discipline and a gift of the Holy Spirit. She’s also an introvert—a person who is energized more by being alone or with one other person rather than a group. Introverts have to work a bit harder, invest more energy, in order to develop new relationships than an extrovert who is charged up by meeting new people.

Investing our time and energy in new relationships is an essential part of our calling to follow Christ. In the early Church when Christians travelled, they sought lodging in the homes of other Christ-followers who they did not know. The host had to invest their time and energy in opening their lives to someone they did not know personally but knowing that they were saved and brought together by the same Lord. The guest had to trust their host would not exploit their vulnerability. (See 2 and 3 John, short letters in the Bible, for how this did and didn’t work!) Both parties had to invest in a new relationship.

Likewise, St. John’s has been blessed by new members over the last few years, even during the pandemic. However, many forces challenge developing relationships. Pandemic restrictions meant relationships drifted apart. We have three different services with different styles that inevitably creates three different communities. Long-time members are aging and not able to participate as they did in the past. Newer members are busy with work, family, and other responsibilities. The combination of these factors means that it’s impossible to know everybody and that developing new relationships takes intentional effort.

There are a couple of simple ways to invest in a new relationship. One is to plan on staying around 15 minutes after the service to talk to someone. Think of this as a part of our worship time! (Jesus saves us so we can love God and love our neighbor—investing time and energy in a new relationship is loving your neighbor!) Find out what someone else does for fun, where someone would like to visit, and see where the conversation goes. I suspect you’ll find something in common that will deepen your relationship! We’re working on space in the courtyard that will help encourage taking this time.

A second way is to get involved with some other activity outside of worship. The Education Hour on Sundays at 9:45 brings people from different services together, as does the Monday night 7pm online Bible Study and the Thursday morning 10am Bible Study. The Men’s breakfast is starting on Oct 8 at 8am; the Women’s Brunch also on Oct 8 at 10am. Family Promise (Sept 25-Oct 2), the Shower Ministry (Oct 25), property work days, and more are all opportunities to work alongside someone and develop relationships.

God richly blessed St. John’s through Vicar Cogan over the last year, in part, because he invested so much into relationships with so many. In more ways than I can describe here, he helped us accelerate our vision of deepening relationships and developing leaders. I think he leaves us better than he found us. I am personally grateful for the energy he put into our time together and I pray that we will find ways to keep connected as he and Katelyn begin new adventures in the familiar surroundings of Indiana.

We are on this journey of following Christ together. The Church continues to be one of the few places where people from different walks of life meet. Our society needs us to lead and be examples in developing relationships. The road of life is not easy, and God brings us together to support one another in a network of relationships that catch us when we fall and help us to keep going. Just like putting a little money in savings each week, it’s worth putting our time and energy investing in relationships.

Your neighbor in Christ, Pastor Peter

COVID Gratitude

If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honored, all rejoice together with it. (1 Cor 12:26)

It finally happened: I got COVID. Or maybe more accurately, COVID got me. Even experiencing COVID, I experienced God in so many ways and hope you sense God’s hidden leading towards new life in Christ and love of God and neighbors.

It’s hard to tell where the wrong place at the wrong time will be. One of our daughters worked this summer in places where people tested positive. Our other daughter worked in a more controlled environment and almost never went out, except a couple of times the first weekend in August. Guess which one caught COVID? Yeah, the one that almost never went out.

Masks do help. I wear a mask outside the house. Over the last 2 ½ years, I’ve been in several very contagious settings and didn’t catch the bug. I give credit to masking. That makes the house the vulnerable point. My daughter didn’t have symptoms and I sat a couple nights unmasked next to her on the couch watching a TV show.

Denial is powerful (until it fails). I started to feel fatigue on Friday but found ways to explain it away. I was so tired before dinner that I laid down to nap, but I had exerted myself a bit in the sun, that’s why. On Saturday, when I started to get a headache and sore throat, I excused it as allergies. When I was leaving the Saturday service, however, I thought I may have a fever. And my denial melted.

Staying home with symptoms out of concern for others. I didn’t test positive, even with the fever, but called Vicar Cogan and started to make preparations to miss Sunday services and activities. I have missed only about 3 Sundays in 25 years because of illness. I don’t like to miss services, even for vacation. But it would be worse if I infected someone else and they became sick or developed long COVID because I was stubborn. So, I stayed home even with a negative test. (After services on Sunday, I tested positive.)

Everybody’s experience is different. My daughter and wife both got COVID and experienced barely two days of mild cold symptoms. Quarantine was the toughest part for them! I ended up in bed for four days with a fever, cough, and a raw throat that felt and looked like freshly ground hamburger. A week later, I still have a sore throat, headache and mild phlegmy cough.

Isolation sucks. And leads to grief. I spent a week in my bedroom separated from my family, mostly so our uninfected daughter wouldn’t get it (she didn’t! Praise God!). This was also the last week that both daughters were home before going back to college. So, rather than spending time with them, I was in bed and isolated. I was extremely sad about it. I thought about many of you, with whom I had plans, visits, conversations that were cancelled or postponed, opportunities missed. And I was extremely sad about those too. I thought about the millions who have died of COVID, including our loved ones like Gladys Thurston. They and their families grieve more than just a few missed opportunities.

God works through prayer. I spent a lot of time praying for relief, for you, for St. John’s, for the Church, and the World. In prayer, I felt God’s love and a connection with you that helped me through sleepless nights of discomfort and coughing.

Gratitude overflows my heart! The week in COVID quarantine so fills me with gratitude for God and for many. Gratitude to Vicar Cogan for saying yes and stepping in with enthusiasm and ability. Gratitude to many who responded to extra calls to pitch in. Gratitude for texts and phone calls of concern and assurance of prayers. Gratitude for sleep that finally does come, healing that slowly dawns like the rosy fingers of dawn.

Maybe that’s what I experienced most: gratitude for people and relationships. Gratitude that simple things like masks and staying home do help. Gratitude for doctors, nurses, and scientists who devote their lives to helping others and unraveling these mysteries. Gratitude that Jesus leads us through this moment, COVID and all, to love God and love our neighbors.

Yours in Christ,
Pastor Peter