It may matter where you are on the spectrum between extrovert and introvert. The issue is how you are energized socially. The early psychologists of the 20th century found it helpful to describe an extrovert as a person who is energized by being around groups of people. An extrovert often has many friends and enters into conversations with easy confidence and excitement. An extrovert needs other people to process their emotions and ideas. When an extrovert is feeling low or drained, it’s a good idea to go out and find a group of people. In those relationships, they will recharge their batteries.
An introvert, on the other hand, is energized by being alone or, at best, with one trusted person. They have a small, close-knit group of friends and enter into conversations only hesitantly, even with people they know. An introvert needs time alone to process their thoughts and ideas before talking about them. The larger the group of people, the more an introvert’s emotional battery will be drained by the experience. They’ll need some time alone to recharge.
None of us are pure extroverts or introverts. We are all somewhere on a spectrum between the extremes. To some extent, we will all be charged by being with other people and processing our lives with them; and, in other ways, need to be by ourselves to charge up our batteries. But, usually we tilt to one side of the spectrum more than the other. Can you find where you are? A strong extrovert? A moderate introvert? Kind of in the middle?
It’s helpful to know because it will change the way you deepen relationships and live out our vision as a congregation. Sometimes we assume that extroverts are the only ones who are deepening relationships with new people. They are eager to meet new people and energized by groups who share their lives and dreams. Everyone notices they are building relationships!
But introverts generally develop deeper relationships than extroverts, and especially with other introverts. Because extroverts will often have many more relationships, they have less time to listen when someone is hesitant to talk. An introvert will take a long time before sharing their lives. It’s most likely another introvert who will be around listening.
Both extroverts and introverts are necessary to the Church living out its vision. Paul wrote many times (e.g., 1 Cor 12, Rom 12, and Eph 4) that the Church needs all kinds of people with all kinds of gifts to build up the Body of Christ. The human tendency is to focus on the flashy, immediate gifts and lose sight of the ways other less dramatic gifts are essential. Some believers even judge others for lacking the sensational gifts. In Paul’s time, it was speaking in tongues and healing that some said everyone needed to have. Paul insisted that all the gifts are necessary—and each person is essential to build up the Church, using their gifts with love.
So, if you lean towards the extroverted side, the Church needs you getting out and welcoming people, getting to know their names, their stories and dreams. You do this naturally and are charged up by it! Thank you for helping us deepen relationships! Also expect some of the people you welcome may shrink back and not share. They aren’t being rude or cold—they likely are more introverted. Is there another person you can introduce them to, who is also introverted? They’re more likely to spend time together and deepen relationships.
And if you lean towards the introverted side, the Church needs your careful processing and conversation. You think carefully before you talk to someone and you help the Church develop truly deeper relationships! Expect some people to come on too strong, want too much from you too fast. They aren’t being rude or overbearing—they likely are more extroverted. Can you smile and lovingly signal that you’d like the conversation to end (“Thanks for greeting me! I’ll see you next week”), knowing they might not get the message the first time, but knowing that they also are following Jesus in the way that leads to a deeper life?
Everyone can deepen relationships as the Holy Spirit builds the Church!
Glad to be in the Body of Christ with you!
Pastor Peter
